Before and After

​When I was discharged I immediately started psychotherapy. I needed to deal with my confusion and my feeling overwhelmed by the massive brain bleeding and its effects; the to-and-fro between home and hospital; and the hospital experience, which meant stretched-out periods of loneliness (everybody, including Eric, had to go). My confusion prolonged the duration of my therapy, but once the blood had somewhat reabsorbed, my brain went back to work, and I could think along with my therapist. Bit by bit, I was able to understand the reasons for my behavior and change them.
And this thinking exercise keeps going. It’s as if I were looking at a character that lived and acted in a different time – before March 23rd, as I used to joke. I’m looking at my prehistory, at the character that was me and has been separated from me by the gap in my memory – by the gap of my coma. This gulf in my history is enabling me to see my previous acts with a detachment that allows me to think in a very productive way.
Having survived the injury, then, has given me a second chance: I’ve been able to think of the consequences of my actions based on the past, and do things differently. I’ve been able to understand myself better and more deeply. And perhaps I’ll be able to change the way I behave. Then, maybe surviving has its positive aspects after all…