In exactly three weeks and two days, I will have spent three months without seizures. Back then, on August seventh, when I was only four days shy away of three seizure-free months, I was talking with my younger brother and had a hard time putting words together. I thought it was because I was tired, so my brother said he’d call me the next day. As soon as he hung up, a fit started. I was able to call Eric, answer “yes” to his questions, and listen to his instructions to breathe deeply. After what Eric says were sixty seconds, the fit went away. All these things considered, we could call it a “minor” seizure. If we added that the seizure-free intervals grew, we could say that it was a sign that my brain was on the healing path. But we have to take into account that the attacks took place while I was taking Kepra and Vimpat.
The neurologist said the seizure had been caused by lack of sleep and prescribed a “mild” sedative. So, I’m taking 1,500 mg of Kepra (divided into two doses a day), 400 mg of Vimpat (same thing), 25 mg of the sedative (which Eric and I decided to take every other day to avoid tiredness), and meditating to keep attacks away. And I’m still counting the days and months without them to determine if my brain is healed.
I talked about my hemangiomas’ bleeding during my first operation and its effects, The first seizures happened over two years ago. We’re in October 2020, and I’m still suffering them, even with meds, unless I meditate early enough or avoid stress. So, I have plenty of questions, starting with: When will I be able to be weaned off my meds, and thereby stop feeling tired? When will I be able to be extra careful with my emotions to avoid seizures? When will I be able to return to a somewhat meaningful work? In short, when will my brain finally heal?
I’m faced with a whole realm of uncertainty. Every step I could take leads to nowhere. I seem to have forgotten all my neurophysiology studies in medical school; I don’t know what a brain injury can do to my mind (and here I add my misunderstanding, misremembering, difficulty speaking or expressing my thoughts, and so on and so forth), or how to heal it. I’m sick of meds! Here I am, meticulously counting the days so that I can meticulously count the months. So, once again, as with all my disabilities, I have to be patient. Yes, sure, I can wait, but, wait for what?
The neurologist said the seizure had been caused by lack of sleep and prescribed a “mild” sedative. So, I’m taking 1,500 mg of Kepra (divided into two doses a day), 400 mg of Vimpat (same thing), 25 mg of the sedative (which Eric and I decided to take every other day to avoid tiredness), and meditating to keep attacks away. And I’m still counting the days and months without them to determine if my brain is healed.
I talked about my hemangiomas’ bleeding during my first operation and its effects, The first seizures happened over two years ago. We’re in October 2020, and I’m still suffering them, even with meds, unless I meditate early enough or avoid stress. So, I have plenty of questions, starting with: When will I be able to be weaned off my meds, and thereby stop feeling tired? When will I be able to be extra careful with my emotions to avoid seizures? When will I be able to return to a somewhat meaningful work? In short, when will my brain finally heal?
I’m faced with a whole realm of uncertainty. Every step I could take leads to nowhere. I seem to have forgotten all my neurophysiology studies in medical school; I don’t know what a brain injury can do to my mind (and here I add my misunderstanding, misremembering, difficulty speaking or expressing my thoughts, and so on and so forth), or how to heal it. I’m sick of meds! Here I am, meticulously counting the days so that I can meticulously count the months. So, once again, as with all my disabilities, I have to be patient. Yes, sure, I can wait, but, wait for what?
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