The job took me in a direction I wasn’t expecting – I embarked on a fast journey toward the past. I read the emails’ sender names and subjects, which stirred up set-aside memories and unknown emotions: there were emails from a work-related network with requests for contacts that would be useless years after; emails from Nathan’s old schools which he already outgrew, showing that I’d lost the opportunity to enjoy his childhood. Images came to me of old friends, scenes, sounds, and colors. As I erased and organized, I associated mail subjects with moments in time and recalled my convalescence: my confusion, sadness, anger, and despair.
I’ve gone a long way since I settled in my Beacon home more than a year and a half ago. I can read, think, and write. My bilingualism is restored. I can translate, edit, and coach (but see my clarification in parentheses above). So, I keep running questions over in my mind: What do the future months have in store for me? Will there be new sender names of the emails showing on my inbox? Will there be different subjects? How frequently will I check my mail? How frequently will I answer emails? Will there be many or few? I’m slowly starting to take a peek at my new mail, as we wet our feet in the water to check if its temperature is good enough to swim. And one day there’ll be just a few emails in my inbox, and I will check them and answer them easily and painlessly.