Judith Filc
 
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11/9/2020

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​After I finished the exercises, meditated, and read for a while, I found myself with a lot of free time in my hands. But I was too tired to read a really enriching book, that is, a book that required me to concentrate to understand it. So, I took the opportunity to clean my inbox, since I’d noticed there were more than 22,000 emails in it. I had a lot of recently created mailboxes, so my task would consist of moving significant opened mails and erasing unopened ones that I didn’t care much for: either ones that gave work-related information, old and new (since I’m not going to work any time soon), or advertising things to buy, translating classes, kid classes, and recently published books. My application marks unopened emails with a blue circle, replied emails with a curved arrow pointing to the left, and forwarded emails with a straight arrow pointing to the right. So, with all that knowledge in my hands, I set to work, right finger over the mouse-pad ready to slide and click.
The job took me in a direction I wasn’t expecting – I embarked on a fast journey toward the past. I read the emails’ sender names and subjects, which stirred up set-aside memories and unknown emotions: there were emails from a work-related network with requests for contacts that would be useless years after; emails from Nathan’s old schools which he already outgrew, showing that I’d lost the opportunity to enjoy his childhood. Images came to me of old friends, scenes, sounds, and colors. As I erased and organized, I associated mail subjects with moments in time and recalled my convalescence: my confusion, sadness, anger, and despair.
I’ve gone a long way since I settled in my Beacon home more than a year and a half ago. I can read, think, and write. My bilingualism is restored. I can translate, edit, and coach (but see my clarification in parentheses above). So, I keep running questions over in my mind: What do the future months have in store for me? Will there be new sender names of the emails showing on my inbox? Will there be different subjects? How frequently will I check my mail? How frequently will I answer emails? Will there be many or few? I’m slowly starting to take a peek at my new mail, as we wet our feet in the water to check if its temperature is good enough to swim. And one day there’ll be just a few emails in my inbox, and I will check them and answer them easily and painlessly.
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