Our society considers that this time has been “lost”: were I asked what I did during these years, I would have to answer, nothing. To avoid giving such an answer, I’ve read, and I’m reading, a lot of books I had on the “must-read” list; I’ve written, and am writing, essays to be published in a collection in Argentina in the future or to publish today in a bilingual e-journal; I wrote and published two books of poems, and I’m still writing one; and I’m translating and editing books for friends. But I’m doing this work out of harshness toward myself – I constantly hear a stern voice in my head telling me, “You must be productive. You must make good use of your free time.”
I have to get into my head that when five years will have passed since my injury, I’ll have used them productively: I will have learned important things about myself and others; I will have learned how to modify my behaviors (though going from learning to doing takes quite a while); I will have learned to be patient and see the positive aspects of things that seem negative to me (maybe); my relationships with Nathan and Eric will have strengthened; and I’ll have developed my friendships with people who will have become important to me. So, when I turn sixty, besides resuming work, I will have changed for the better (I hope) and will enjoy my old and new relationships; the past five years will have been truly productive.
I talked about time in a different context (a conversation with a friend) and mentioned Byung-Chul Han’s book The Burnout Society.