It’s as if I had a huge disorder of memories impossible to reorganize; as if events were heaped up like a tangled skein and I were unable to untangle it. I don’t know when I went to my internist and saw the neurologist; when I was waiting to be operated, and when the doctors took out the stitches. I asked questions and received a lot of useful information, and yet I still need answers.
I feel urged to place events in every box in the calendar, and this urge unsettles me – I won’t feel good until all these boxes are filled. It reminds me of my youth, when my unsuccessful attempt to untangle a necklace that had been stored deep down a jewelry box would frustrate and anger me, and I would throw the necklace on the floor and walk away. But nowadays I’m more stubborn and patient; if I can reorganize events in the calendar and fill all the boxes, I’ll restore my memory. And if my memory is restored, I’ll get my life back.